We know communication is the #1 way to increase intimacy just as well as we know the sky is blue and the grass is green. Knowing this, however, doesn’t make it any less awkward when we try to smooth talk our way into the sack.
We’ve sourced communication tips, conversation starters, and dialogues from the top experts in the intimacy department, and after our crash course - you won’t be tongue-tied when it comes to this topic anymore.
Here’s how to talk your way into better sex:
Verbalize Your Pleasure.
We’ve all seen the infamous “orgasm” scene in When Harry Met Sally, but that’s not what we’re talking about. There’s no need to sound pornographic in the sack to make your partner feel hot and heavy. Just tell them what feels good - when it feels good. (Sounds too good to be true? It isn’t.) Phrases like:
- “Oh wow that feels amazing…”
- “Keep doing that…”
- “This position feels incredible…”
Compliment The Crap Out Of Each Other.
Two universal truths: We are visual beings & we feel more desire when we feel desirable. To the first point: objectify your partner in the bedroom - and we mean that in the most positive sense of the word. Compliment them on the way they looks (because confidence and good sex are directly linked):
- “Wow have you been working out? You look amazing…”
- “Honey have I told you lately that your body is incredible?”
- “Look at your [insert body part here]. It’s such a turn-on…”
Secondly, we feel more desire when we feel desirable. What that means is - if you want more sex in your relationship, you don’t just make an intention to have more sex. You make an intention to do more of what leads to sex: compliments, kissing, touching, hugging, supporting, laughing, etc. Start with compliments. They’ll get you everywhere.
The Artform That Is Body Language.
While we might be emphasizing verbal communication, the nuance of body language is not to be overlooked. It is the most primitive way to communicate to each other, and certainly one of the most sensual. Make an effort to use body language both before and during sex:
- Angling yourself so you face your partner (which demonstrates complete attention)
- Moving your hips towards them (a provocative gesture)
- Guide their hands (which says you’re taking the reins)
- Biting your lip (a signal of pleasure)
- Making eye contact (which fosters bonding and connection)
Just Say Yes.
We don’t mean in the inspiring, metaphorical way where you just say YES to opportunities in life (although we totally support you doing that too). What we’re talking about is the most literal sense: Say YES during sex. Consider a sexual partner who never emits noises or affirmations - you’re probably clueless as to what they like and don’t like. But sprinkle in a ‘Yes’ every once in a while (or a lot of them) and you’ll know you’re on to something. One simple word could be the only thing your partner needs to hear in bed.
So on an awkward scale of 0 to your first Sex Ed class, that wasn’t too bad was it? Put these phrases and tips to action and we promise you… you will notice a spike in - ahem - bedroom activity. The only thing you need for a really good sex life is your mouth. We mean for TALKING! Get your mind out of the gutter people.